How do you view Heaven?

~A little inspiration to remember to carry your cross and spread His word. He died for us, so we are called to live for Him.~

17-year-old Brian Moore had only a short time towrite something for a class. The subject was what Heaven was like. 'I wowed'em,' he later told his father, Bruce. 'It's a killer. It'sthe bomb. It's the best thing I ever wrote..' It also was the last.

Brian Moore died May 27, 1997, the day afterMemorial Day.. He was driving home from a friend's house when his car wentoff Bulen-Pierce Road in Pickaway County and struck a utility pole. He emergedfrom the wreck unharmed but stepped on a downed power line and waselectrocuted..The Moore 's framed a copy of Brian's essayand hung it among the family portraits in the living room... 'I think Godused him to make a point. I think we were meant to find it and make somethingout of it,' Mrs. Moore said of the essay. She and her husband want to sharetheir son's vision of life after death. 'I'm happy for Brian. I knowhe's in heaven. I know I'll see him.'

Brian's Essay: The Room....

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I foundmyself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the onewall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in librariesthat list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files,which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction,had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first tocatch my attention was one that read 'Girls I have liked.' I opened itand began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize thatI recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knewexactly where I was.
This lifeless room with its small files was a crudecatalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment,big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder andcuriosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly openingfiles and exploring their content... Some brought joy and sweet memories; othersa sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to seeif anyone was watching..
A file named 'Friends' was next to one marked'Friends I have betrayed.' The titles ranged from the mundane to theoutright weird 'Books I Have Read,' 'Lies I Have Told,''Comfort I have Given,' 'Jokes I Have Laughed at .' Some werealmost hilarious in their exactness: 'Things I've yelled at mybrothers.' Others I couldn't laugh at: 'Things I Have Done in MyAnger', 'Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents.' Inever ceased to be surprised by the contents.
Often there were many more cards than I expected.Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the lifeI had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill eachof these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed thistruth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.
When I pulled out the file marked 'TV Shows I havewatched', I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cardswere packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found theend of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but moreby the vast time I knew that file represented...
When I came to a file marked 'LustfulThoughts,' I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only aninch, not willing to test its size and drew out a card. I shuddered at itsdetailed content.I felt sick to think that such a moment had beenrecorded. An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: Noone must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroythem!' In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matternow. I had to empty it and burn the cards.. But as I took it at one end andbegan pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I becamedesperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I triedto tear it.
Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file toits slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pityingsigh. And then I saw it.. The title bore 'People I HaveShared the Gospel With.' The handle was brighter than those around it,seemednewer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than threeinches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on onehand.
And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deepthat they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on myknees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all.The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, everknow of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed awaythe tears, I saw Him.
No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus.. Iwatched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. Icouldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myselfto look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Whydid He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from acrossthe room.. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity thatdidn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and beganto cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said somany things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.
Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files.Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began tosign His name over mine on each card. 'No!' I shouted rushing to Him.All I could find to say was 'No, no,' as I pulled the card from Him. Hisname shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich,so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine... It was written with Hisblood. He gently took the card back.. He smiled a sad smile and began to signthe cards.. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly,but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back tomy side..

He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, 'It isfinished.' I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock onits door. There were still cards to be written....

'I can do all things through Christ whostrengthens me. '-Phil. 4:13 'For God so loved the world that He gaveHis only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternallife.' My 'People I shared the gospel with' file just got bigger. I hope yours will too.

What did you think of his view of heaven? What is yours?

What my daddy is to his daughter

My dad is quite the man, working hard an loving others from the time he wakes up to the very moment he falls asleep. I love him with more than what I have words for and I'm so very thankful to have been blessed with such a father.

Here's to you Daddy :)

Always Present

Finger slips and I tumble to rocks ledge
Bruised, I stood and climbed that mountain peak
Ray-light fades as twilight sets in so I stop to think
Till this happened I never had to seek...

Pondering the meaning of one life
The power that one touch can hold
Remembering those callused hands sends shivers down my spine
Protecting against this night of cold

Looking up as to see that face
Smiling because the vision's clear
Not happy but rather content
To still hold this memory dear

You taught me to never give up when life takes you down
To hope when all dreams are lost
To laugh through a stream of tears
And that true love has no cost

I can see my father standing proud
Watching over his little girl from up there
Knowing that he made me who I am today
And talking with the Lord's Angels with plenty of stories to share

Because of this great man
I take this gift of life day by day
Taking care of the meek and poor
And guiding those that have gone astray

He lives in the hearts of those who loved him
And will forever have left a mark
Because he cared for those around him
While giving many lives their first spark

For tonight, I will stop what I'm doing
And save my journey for tomorrow
Rest my mind on a happy thought
Having no room in my heart for sorrow.

~I love you.~

To have friends half way around the world...

~Written the night I got back into the states. Miyoko is the one on the left in the picture.~

Its about 3:14 in the morning as I sit here in Dallas and can't sleep because jetlag is not a friendly thing. Nothing else to do besides share a story that He blessed me with while I was in Japan. What better way to spend your time anyhow. So...

There's a woman by the name of Miyoko that resides in Yaizu City (Oigawa), Japan, who has changed my life and I hers. After arriving in Japan and getting settled, it was time to do our information meeting and see who we would be reading with for the next three weeks. After names where drawn, I was surrounded by four wonderful ladies known as Miyo, Akiko, Takayo, and Miyoko.

We started our reading sessions the next day with smiles on our faces and full of excitement. Least to say the first two weeks past and Japan had become a second home in a away. I woke up eager to see who I was reading with each day because I learned so much reading with the girls and watching them soak up and understand The Word made me all warm inside. I can happily say that the first two weeks seemed long but as the three weeks started drawing to a close, it seemed like the time had flown by leaving much more to be done and said to the people who had, by now, become extremely close friends. In the last week, Miyoko finished a whole work book and started into the next. She and I would do anywhere from two to four lessons at a time and then proceed to open up my bible because she was left with more questions that were found else where. We studies out hearts out and told our stories with a few tears here and there. One night I told her the story of how I became a christian and she then told me about how she wants to be a Chrstian someday too. She told me that she wants to study more so that she can hopefully teach her husband and mother but she doesn't want to become one now because she feels that she would be shaming her family because they are of another religion.

She asked me"I always see you smile big when you are talking about Jesus. Why is that?"

I answered her with Psalm 16: 8-11

"I have set the Lord always before me. Because He is at my right hand I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body will also rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let you Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of life."

Miyoko showed me how you can truly thirst for the living water and not know how to take hold of the cup and drink. Our last day to read together, we proceeded to spend two hours in God's word, enjoying the conversation and discussing salvation. When we got to the fourth lesson, I aksed her if she understood that this would be our last time reading together.

She understood.

I handed her some tissues and grabbed one for myself. We finished the lesson that just happened to be about the Samaritian women who meets Jesus at the well. In this story, for those of you who don't know, Jesus offers this women the living water. The lesson of the story was that the living water is for anyone who believes in Him and is always available. The last question of the lesson was in two parts:

Do you think the Samaritian women wanted the living water?

-Miyoko answered yes.

Would you accept the living water if it was offered to you?

I looked up at Miyoko and heard her say a squeaky yes. She had just told me that she wanted to be a christian and I explained this to her. She and I grabbed more tissues. This was our last reading session and then I was heading home.

She told me many things after she answered that question. A few of them being "You've taught me so much and I'm so thankful for that", "I want to go to heaven one day to so that I can be with God and be happy all the time and also see you again", "I've never met someone with the kind of heart that you have and I'm glad I met you". We said so much in those two hours that it was breaking my heart to think that I had to return to the US in just two days. I was torn because I felt that there was so much left to do but I wouldn't be there to help. I want, with all my heart, to be there the day she is reborn into our christian family.

This was on my heart the rest of the day. I finally FULLY understood what it meant to give your life to God and serve others. To go in to the world and spread the message. To love a complete stranger.

God knew what He was doing when He paired Miyoko up with me. He also knew what He was doing when He sent His son to die on the cross for our salvation.I know that He let me be apart of something great. So many lessons where learned but the greatest thing that happened while I was there was that God found his way into a lost woman's heart.

Great is our God.

Winter Bird

Song bird sing me to sleep
Lull my heart in peace
Cease these tears with your melody
While you're perched on the window ceil

How did you get your song, my friend?
Learning to fly,
Breaking a wing,
Soaring through a storm?

Did to world not feed you,
Did you flock move away,
Left alone to face the world,
Never see the light of day?

Winter has come
And yet you sing
The chill breeze blows
And you do not leave your perch

You are not caged
Free to move about
Never to suffer a broken heart
Or feel that of worry and doubt

White blankets out this window
Opened to match this heart
Cold yet happy you are
Warming this freezing room

Winter bird you sing a lullaby
A song of peace and woe
Matching the weather you continue
With no gain for show

As the cill brings the sun
White leads in natures color
What then will you perform for me?
Or will my window grow lonely again.

Company for now
Companions through the cold
Acquaintances we'll always be
And memories down the road

Song bird sing me to sleep
Tonight I have peace;
I will not weep
Song bird sing me to sleep

Its only a box...

What does the phrase "Out side the box mean to you?"

To some, it means not being what everyone else is or not conforming to anything as Megan Durham stated. I know that the first that I think if is to THINK outside the box. To broaden your perspective and to be a little something more that the day before. I picture this flimsy cardboard box that we each sit in every day. Its big enough that we can't see over the walls though it is easily torn apart if we so desire. We were not given the boxes but we have chosen to live inside them, live we are living in our own world. For this reason. The vast majority of us have no clue what is going on out side our box. There way be someone who needs a hand or a should or an ear but we wouldn't know because we are blind to these needs.

Last week, during a missions training meeting, I was finally able to put my thoughts into words. These boxes of ours, whether it is facebook, cell phones, our own houses, we are keeping ourselves in the dark. What would it be like or rather look like if we all "stepped outside the box" and looked into another's box. What do you think we would find? A new friend? A sinner? A broken heart? Or maybe even a captive soul that needs to be released. A wise man reminded me that we are to be the hands and feet of our savior. That we are called to heal the broken hearted and set the captive free. How can we do this if we can't even step outside our selves long enough to have compassion for a neighbor? We are also called to bare with one another. He will never lead us to something with out having a way through it and sometimes the way through his test is holding the hand of a dear friend that he has put in our lives.

God did not give us life and then hand us a box saying "Best of luck". He gave us a life to live amongst each other; to love each other. I'm not going to pull out my handy dandy bible point to every verse I am referring to for two reasons: 1) its late and my bible is out in my truck, and two) also because its late, I don't feel awake enough to find them all. I tear away at my box little by little when I feel like I have the spiritual strength to do so. As I do this, my Father makes it easier to accept things and to see where it is that he wants me to be. As this lesson has been taught over the course of the past year, love has been coming more freely as well as understanding. I understand at least this much by now: why would I want to live in a box all alone where there is a world that could use my company, or yours for that matter. It is best explained in the movie pay it forward. Someone else a small number of people who in turn help a small number of people each and so on. With one person a chain reaction is started. It has to start somewhere with someone though.

As of spring break, I have become apart of the chain reaction because of Benny and Niki. I left my box at home when I went to Colorado and when I got home, I couldn't find it but better yet, I didn't want it. In a way this is a challenge to leave to comfort of your so called box and look in to that of anther and see what you find. Its a sacrifice and as Matt Mills said, "...its a risk" but God may surprise you. Its a hard thing to do, leaving the comfort zone we hide in so much, but the end result will be worth more than silver or gold.

I want to write something beautiful. Something that will move me every time I or someone else reads it. The only problem is that there doesn't seem to be anything to really write about at the moment. Nothing is moving me enough to create anything new. Its sad really, because I feel like I need to release something deep but I can't pull it out of me. Writing is a private thing for me that I let only a few people see. I love it because I actually think before I put something into print, unlike my everyday conversations where I just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. Ever feel that way? like you just can't give yourself a break? I don't know right now. I'm probably in the middle of some change that I will realize and write about later. Nothing to special at the moment.

I could talk about going to Japan in May, I guess. Thats going to be fun. Or Colorado next weekend (march). Lord knows my history with that place though I've never been. How did I get myself into these things anyhow? They are huge risks but I'm going still.

Lord, I want to walk closer to you. To feel your hand on my shoulder through the day. To know what to say to others. To know where to go each week and who to seek out. Help me to be a light in this world. Give me strength, patience, and wisdom. Thank you for the lessons you are teaching me in life, for the great amount of love I've been shown, and for the sacrifice of your son. Please forgive me for the sings that I have against my name. Help me to seek you out each day. Guide my steps and those of the people in my life. I ask for the good health of my loved ones and of those who are yet to come into my life. Thank for the UC family that you have given me this semester. They are all special to me in different ways. Michael, Ryan, Corwin, Josh, Erin, Melisa, Kathryn, Cortney, Megan, Allison, Heather B, Jesse, Michelle, Jentry and Paige, Matt and Melisa Mills, Monty and Jenny Daffern, Sabrina and her family, Kasey Y, Nathan Turek. So many people in my life and you're the one that put them them. I'm sorry for turning away as I often do, but Father, please help me to persevere and stand under pressure. Give me the drive to complete tasks and run through new ones. Thank you for each day and the promise of eternal life through your son and my savior. In his name, Amen.

I guess this is where you teach me patience and how to wait on you as well as listen to you more closely.....Thank you.

2008: End

So I've reached this point in life/school year where I am constantly changing. Almost by the hour it seems. Faith and Life are duking it out with each other these past few weeks and each round either goes to one or the other or ends in a stalemate. I want to be as close to my father as I have been this past fall but the pleasures of this world are controlling my attention and actions. I am longing for the new year to kick in and for everyone to return home from the holidays and so I am chronically missing them as of late. Sort of lonely at times. I hate the evening because I sit at home and there is nothing for occupy my mountainous free time.

Time, I've realized, is a funny thing. It seperates good and bad as well as providing a bridge. It has moved me along to better days and has brought them to their end in past years. They say that the past is behind us and the future isn't promised, all we can be sure of is the gift of the day we currentl have. Thats why its called the present. Each day I am have lived has been a novel of its own, though some read more in depth than others. My yesterdays have many a lesson to be remembered and most seemed blurred together. My todays are sometimes seem irrelevant becuase I want to look to what is coming and so take them for granted. My future holds secrets that will only be revealed as I will myself toward another "today".

Today, as is December 29, 2008, I only existed in this world. I did almost nothing to better my future nor relfect on past months to better understand lessons taught to be by God himself. I simply let it slip through my fingers as something to be tossed away. Frankly, this bothers me. I don't want to simply exist, I want to be alive in the world and live. Maybe not have each day as something life altering but acomplish something great, if even in my mind alone it is so. To know that I am worth the air around me to breathe. My drive to get things done and self control over my actions has dwindled down and become rusty. Its as if I need something to shock them back into working order to continue this path toward adult hood.

My future, New Years Eve, a month from now, or 5 years down the road, all depend on what I do today and my today that is coming tomorrow. Will I finalize my career path by looking into different areas of study? Be present minded enough to stay on even the simplest of tasks? I pray to my heavenly father that I will. It time to put all of my training into action. Dust off the old skills and stand out rather than just standing up.

My older sister said something the other day that really only now makes sense: "You say that God has been giving you everything you need and more, but have you been putting it to use in order to follow through with the plan that he has for you?" She then followed with the story of a man that was sitting on his roof top during a flood waiting for God to rescue him. Three different chances came by to save him but he simply told him that he was waiting for God. He did not survive the flood. So when he arrived at the feet of God, he asked him, "Father, why did you not save me?" Then God replied, "Son, I tried. I sent a two boat, and a chopper. Why did you not take advantage of them?"

2008 has brought about a lot of change. I started this year as a high school student with a very child like mind and I am ending as a college freshman with a young adult mind that has come to understand quit a lot and almost nothing at all. There have been a number of me's this year. Each developed from a major change is life style or understanding or how the world works but nothing permantent. I am still KJ, but as to the complete person, that varies daily.

Back to my subject of time. My favorite conclusion of the year is this: We have time because God set the world in motion. It turns, leaving behind a past, devlivering today, and bringing the future. Nothing remains the same but everything is in constant change.

Even when we seem to have a perfect life, it always seems surreal to me. So in time, the world rotates a few times and brings the bad with it. In constant balance, good to bad and bad to good, in a never ending circle.

I am thankful for this year while being excited and scared for the next. I have a loving family, great friends, a good relationship, school, work, and my Father presently with me at all times. But I still stress over little things that seem pressing when they are smaller than I believe them to be. Still many lessons to learn. 2009, ready or not, here you come.

*End Rant